ARTICLES >>SPIRITS THAT HINDER XII - "SOUL TIES"
Why do people who are being used, misused, abused oftentimes find it so hard to break free? Why do we sometimes allow others to control/manipulate/exert unhealthy influence over us? Why do we do some of the things we do? (Rom. 7)
Jesus wants us free. Luke 4.18-19; Jn 8.31-32, 36; Gal 5.1; 2 Cor 3.17-18.
- In order to be truly free, need to get to the root.
- We need to be free in order to minister most effectively.
Healthy & unhealthy soul ties eg: abusive relationship/she keeps going back/why??; family member/unhealthy control & influence over all the other members; cult groups; abuse/molestation; alcohol/drugs/anger (soul tie often gives place to gen. curse) - good news: Jesus sets us free!
2 Cor 11.20: katadouloō (kat-ad-oo-lo'-o) to enslave utterly; bring into bondage to one's self - bring into bondage (2x).
- You even put up with anyone who enslaves you or exploits you or takes advantage of you or pushes himself forward or slaps you in the face (niv); You even put up with anyone who makes you a slave or uses you. You put up with those who take advantage of you. You put up with those who claim to be better than you. You put up with those who slap you in the face (nirv); You endure it if a man assumes control of your souls and makes slaves of you, or devours [your substance, spends your money] and preys upon you, or deceives and takes advantage of you, or is arrogant and puts on airs, or strikes you in the face (amp) Why??
What is a soul-tie? A strong, intimate bonding relationship between two or more people ~ soul-joined. Can be good, or evil (ct. parent/child). God desires for us to be soul-tied to Him first and foremost. Deu 10:20 LITV: "You shall fear Jehovah your God; you shall serve Him; and you shall cleave to Him..." Mt. 22.37; 1 Cor 6.17.
Healthy soul-tie: Centered on that which is founded on love (agape), on what is Godly, eternal, spiritual, unselfish, balanced and good. Often result in covenant, or are a result of covenant. - eg: Jonathan & David (1 Sam 18:1-3; 2 Sam 1.26)
Unhealthy soul-tie: Centered on that which is lustful, sinful, temporal, carnal, selfish, unbalance, evil. A controlling power, or influence, of one person over another; an "unholy alliance," a perverse, harmful relationship.
It is not hard to understand why people try to control others. They believe that their worth is dependent on other people and circumstances. This is a false belief as evidenced by the fact that the most insecure people you will ever meet are manipulators and controllers of others. But people who are secure in their identity in Christ don't need to control others. Their goal is to be the leader, spouse, parent or employee that God wants them to be because nothing can keep them from being what God wants them to be but themselves. ~ affirm that your worth is based on your relationship with God and that you are free to become the person God wants you to be. (NA)
Healthy soul-ties (approved by God, represent the bonding of two persons in agape love):
• Marriage. In marriage, it is God's purpose that a man and a woman "be joined... and the two shall become one flesh" (Gen. 2:24; Mt. 19:5-6; Eph. 5:31). They are to be bonded by love. Eph 5:28: "So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loves his wife loves himself."
• Friendship. 1 Sam. 18:1. Pure and holy soul-ties among friends are always based on Godly love.
• Parent and child. "...his father loves him... his life is bound up in his life (his soul is bound up with the lad's soul - Jewish Bible)..." Gen. 44:20, 30 - speaking of Jacob's love for Benjamin. It ministers life, love, security and stability to the child's personality.
• Other Christians. "From Him the whole body, joined and held together by every supporting ligament, grows and builds itself up in love, as each part does its work." (Eph. 4:16, NIV)
Unhealthy soul-ties (orchestrated by demonic forces; founded on lust):
• Sexual immorality. "Do you not see that he who is joined to a loose woman is one body with her? For God has said, The two of them will become one flesh." (1 Cor. 6:16, BBE) Sexual relationships outside of marriage form demonic soul-ties. (Gen. 34:1-3, 8)
• Bad companions. "Do not be fooled. 'Bad companions ruin good character.'" (1 Cor. 15:33, GNB) "Bad company ruins good morals." (ESV); "Bad friends will destroy you." (CEV); "Wicked friends lead to evil ends." (ISV)
• Unhealthy family ties. When a son or daughter marries, the soul-tie with parents must be loosed so that the soul-tie between husband and wife can be formed. Gen. 2:24. Parents are not to try to control adult children; adult children are not to be dependent on parents - spiritually, emotionally, or financially. (Note: Manipulation, control and sexual perversions within a family can cause unhealthy soul-ties to be formed.)
• Church. Cliques, power plays, controlling personalities, factions, elitism - oppose the unity of the church and cause divisions. 1 Cor. 1:10-11; 12:23-27; Gal. 2:4.
• Soul-ties with the dead. Prolonged mourning may indicate the continuation of a soul tie, and the stress of extended grief will create an opportunity for an unhealthy bond with the dead. After a reasonable time of grieving, it is important to release these people to the Lord. 1 Th. 4:13.
Possible symptoms of unhealthy soul-ties:
• Someone you are emotionally afraid of.
• Someone you look to who feeds or meets your unfulfilled emotional needs.
• Someone you obsess over.
• Someone you dream about or wake up in the middle of the night thinking about.
• Someone your mind continues to focus on, especially compulsively.
• Continuing emotional reaction to another individual when you meet unexpectedly, hear their voice or hear their name mentioned.
• Someone whose voice you hear in your head or talk to in your mind.
• Someone whose name or face comes into your mind when you are intimate with your spouse.
Good news: Unhealthy soul-ties can be broken!